To my sweet baby boy,
You are sleeping sweetly again beside me, so again I get time to write you. Tonight, I want to tell you about the scariest thing that your dad and I have ever experienced, which was when you were four days old and had to be admitted to the NICU for jaundice.
As a pediatrician, I have treated probably about 100 babies with jaundice...its something so common, and something that as a resident, I would fight over getting on my team, because all the patients were cute and I always thought of jaundice as something that was not a big deal at all. Well, let me tell you - it is a COMPLETELY different story when its your baby that has jaundice.
On the first morning after you were born, we were told by the newborn doctor that we had ABO incompatibility, which basically means that my blood type and your blood type are different and my antibodies started to attack your blood cells, which causes jaundice. We had your jaundice level checked and unfortunately it reached a level that made you have to go under the phototherapy lights while you were still in our hospital room. You absolutely HATED those lights. When you were under the lights initially, you were in your hospital bassinet with lights on top and underneath you...we called the bassinet "THE BOX" because of how much you hated it. You hardly ever cry, but while you were under those dang lights, you screamed bloody murder. It was the hardest thing to watch. I still got to take you out to feed you and do some short snuggles with you, but otherwise you had to be in that horrible box. What was worse was that I was discharged and you had to stay for lights...but don't worry, we never left your side, even if that meant "sleeping" in computer chairs all night next to you in the nursery. The next morning, when you had your bilirubin level checked and it was low enough to go home, we were ecstatic! Even though a day of bilirubin lights was stressful, at least we were done with that nightmare...or so we thought.
The next morning, we went to your pediatrician for the first time for your first newborn check-up. You were growing like a champ, only about 2% from your birth weight, and already gaining weight from the hospital discharge. You were eating really well and making lots of normal wet/poopy diapers. You were perfectly healthy in every way. However, we rechecked the jaundice level and it had jumped up 5 1/2 points (to a level of 16) from the morning prior :(. It was not at a level where we needed to get readmitted, but was definitely not what we wanted to see. It was decided that we would go back to the pediatricians office the next morning, which was a Saturday, to have it rechecked again. We went in at 9 AM to get rechecked and unfortunately after a saga with the lab miss-labeling your blood, we got the result at 7 PM that your jaundice level was now up to 19, which was very very high and high enough where you would need to be re-admitted to the hospital. We decided to go to the CHOC ED right away, rather than waiting to get directly admitted, since it was 10 hours after that lab draw and we were terrified that it would be even higher. As we drove to CHOC, it seemed like everyone already heard we were coming...the perks of being an employee I guess. When we arrived, there was already a room set up for us with lights and you were getting treatment within 15 minutes of arrival. However, when we got our initial lab draw, our worst fears were imagined - the level was up...and it was very high. It was now at a 22.4, which was now high enough to the point where you needed to go to the NICU. Your dad and I at this point went a little in panic mode. Despite what we know about jaundice (especially me), I imagined the worst - I convinced myself that you would have long term complications from this - would you be deaf? would you have kernicterus? What have we done to our perfect baby?
We were admitted to the NICU and after 6 hours of the lights, we had a lab redraw. This was truly the moment of truth...did your level go down enough to avoid all of these horrifying complications or did we need to continue to panic? Lab draw was back....to a level of 17! I literally cried hearing this, because that was such a great drop and we were now out of the danger zone. Long story short, we ended up staying in the NICU for 3 days to drive down your jaundice as much as we could. Over that time, we spent as much time as we were allowed cuddling you, but really had to keep you in the box as much as possible. We never left your side, other than occasional five minute trips to the cafeteria. You watched your first super bowl from the box - Patriots v Rams...don't worry though, you didn't miss much, as that was the most boring super bowl in the history of super bowls.
I was absolutely terrified that we would take you out of "THE BOX" and you would rebound with your jaundice to an unhealthy level again. The NICU doctor was actually ok with you going home 1 night before you did, but we mutually decided to stay for extra light therapy just to make double sure that your level would stay down. We ended up being discharged when your level was 10.3. After the neonatologist assured us that no babies rebound for a second time, we (cautiously) optimistically left the NICU.
The next morning, we again went back to the pediatrician for a redraw. We crossed our fingers, our toes, and every hair on our body that your level would stay down. To our horror, it came back as 13. Thirteen is a totally fine level, but that fact that it had gone up at all, made us truly panicked that your level would go up again. We started to fear the worst again - did you have some super rare genetic reason to have rebounding jaundice? Would you spend your whole life needing to have phototherapy for large portions of every day? Were you septic? We came back to the pediatrician again the next day (at this point you were 10 days old and had never gone a single day without seeing a doctor or getting your poor heel stuck for a blood draw). We got our lab draw done at 10 AM and went home to await results. In the mean time, your dad and I packed our hospital bag again and literally sat staring at the phone for 6 hours. Neither of us expected good news...we were just waiting for the call to tell us that we needed to go back to the hospital. When the call finally came, the doctor started off with "I have good news"...my heart started to flutter. "The level is down to 11!" ELEVEN. This was the first time in the last 10 days and the first time in your whole life that the level went down on your own. We were ECSTATIC.
You continued to look a little yellow (mainly your eyes, nose and inside your mouth) for the next 3 weeks, which is expected for what caused your jaundice - a combination of ABO incompatibility and breastmilk jaundice. Honestly, really the last 2-3 days is the first time I really think your jaundice is totally resolved. Our journey with jaundice is thankfully now over. And you are completely healthy.
You won't ever understand the amount of fear and guilt your father and I felt. Even though there is nothing we could have done to prevent us from having ABO incompatibility, we still were so sad that it was our blood cell differences that made you suffer in "The box" for four days and have to have all of those horrible heel pokes for the first 1.5 weeks of your life.
In the end, I know jaundice is super common and 99.99% (*not at actual statistic*) of the time doesn't cause serious complications, but when it was you, baby, our logical side disappeared. I think about the hundreds of parents with children that I have admitted to the hospital or taken care of in a clinic with very serious life-long illnesses and can't imagine what those poor parents feel. I will spend the rest of my life making sure that I do everything I can to make you as happy and healthy forever.
I love you for always,
Mommy
You are sleeping sweetly again beside me, so again I get time to write you. Tonight, I want to tell you about the scariest thing that your dad and I have ever experienced, which was when you were four days old and had to be admitted to the NICU for jaundice.
As a pediatrician, I have treated probably about 100 babies with jaundice...its something so common, and something that as a resident, I would fight over getting on my team, because all the patients were cute and I always thought of jaundice as something that was not a big deal at all. Well, let me tell you - it is a COMPLETELY different story when its your baby that has jaundice.
On the first morning after you were born, we were told by the newborn doctor that we had ABO incompatibility, which basically means that my blood type and your blood type are different and my antibodies started to attack your blood cells, which causes jaundice. We had your jaundice level checked and unfortunately it reached a level that made you have to go under the phototherapy lights while you were still in our hospital room. You absolutely HATED those lights. When you were under the lights initially, you were in your hospital bassinet with lights on top and underneath you...we called the bassinet "THE BOX" because of how much you hated it. You hardly ever cry, but while you were under those dang lights, you screamed bloody murder. It was the hardest thing to watch. I still got to take you out to feed you and do some short snuggles with you, but otherwise you had to be in that horrible box. What was worse was that I was discharged and you had to stay for lights...but don't worry, we never left your side, even if that meant "sleeping" in computer chairs all night next to you in the nursery. The next morning, when you had your bilirubin level checked and it was low enough to go home, we were ecstatic! Even though a day of bilirubin lights was stressful, at least we were done with that nightmare...or so we thought.
The next morning, we went to your pediatrician for the first time for your first newborn check-up. You were growing like a champ, only about 2% from your birth weight, and already gaining weight from the hospital discharge. You were eating really well and making lots of normal wet/poopy diapers. You were perfectly healthy in every way. However, we rechecked the jaundice level and it had jumped up 5 1/2 points (to a level of 16) from the morning prior :(. It was not at a level where we needed to get readmitted, but was definitely not what we wanted to see. It was decided that we would go back to the pediatricians office the next morning, which was a Saturday, to have it rechecked again. We went in at 9 AM to get rechecked and unfortunately after a saga with the lab miss-labeling your blood, we got the result at 7 PM that your jaundice level was now up to 19, which was very very high and high enough where you would need to be re-admitted to the hospital. We decided to go to the CHOC ED right away, rather than waiting to get directly admitted, since it was 10 hours after that lab draw and we were terrified that it would be even higher. As we drove to CHOC, it seemed like everyone already heard we were coming...the perks of being an employee I guess. When we arrived, there was already a room set up for us with lights and you were getting treatment within 15 minutes of arrival. However, when we got our initial lab draw, our worst fears were imagined - the level was up...and it was very high. It was now at a 22.4, which was now high enough to the point where you needed to go to the NICU. Your dad and I at this point went a little in panic mode. Despite what we know about jaundice (especially me), I imagined the worst - I convinced myself that you would have long term complications from this - would you be deaf? would you have kernicterus? What have we done to our perfect baby?
We were admitted to the NICU and after 6 hours of the lights, we had a lab redraw. This was truly the moment of truth...did your level go down enough to avoid all of these horrifying complications or did we need to continue to panic? Lab draw was back....to a level of 17! I literally cried hearing this, because that was such a great drop and we were now out of the danger zone. Long story short, we ended up staying in the NICU for 3 days to drive down your jaundice as much as we could. Over that time, we spent as much time as we were allowed cuddling you, but really had to keep you in the box as much as possible. We never left your side, other than occasional five minute trips to the cafeteria. You watched your first super bowl from the box - Patriots v Rams...don't worry though, you didn't miss much, as that was the most boring super bowl in the history of super bowls.
I was absolutely terrified that we would take you out of "THE BOX" and you would rebound with your jaundice to an unhealthy level again. The NICU doctor was actually ok with you going home 1 night before you did, but we mutually decided to stay for extra light therapy just to make double sure that your level would stay down. We ended up being discharged when your level was 10.3. After the neonatologist assured us that no babies rebound for a second time, we (cautiously) optimistically left the NICU.
The next morning, we again went back to the pediatrician for a redraw. We crossed our fingers, our toes, and every hair on our body that your level would stay down. To our horror, it came back as 13. Thirteen is a totally fine level, but that fact that it had gone up at all, made us truly panicked that your level would go up again. We started to fear the worst again - did you have some super rare genetic reason to have rebounding jaundice? Would you spend your whole life needing to have phototherapy for large portions of every day? Were you septic? We came back to the pediatrician again the next day (at this point you were 10 days old and had never gone a single day without seeing a doctor or getting your poor heel stuck for a blood draw). We got our lab draw done at 10 AM and went home to await results. In the mean time, your dad and I packed our hospital bag again and literally sat staring at the phone for 6 hours. Neither of us expected good news...we were just waiting for the call to tell us that we needed to go back to the hospital. When the call finally came, the doctor started off with "I have good news"...my heart started to flutter. "The level is down to 11!" ELEVEN. This was the first time in the last 10 days and the first time in your whole life that the level went down on your own. We were ECSTATIC.
You continued to look a little yellow (mainly your eyes, nose and inside your mouth) for the next 3 weeks, which is expected for what caused your jaundice - a combination of ABO incompatibility and breastmilk jaundice. Honestly, really the last 2-3 days is the first time I really think your jaundice is totally resolved. Our journey with jaundice is thankfully now over. And you are completely healthy.
You won't ever understand the amount of fear and guilt your father and I felt. Even though there is nothing we could have done to prevent us from having ABO incompatibility, we still were so sad that it was our blood cell differences that made you suffer in "The box" for four days and have to have all of those horrible heel pokes for the first 1.5 weeks of your life.
In the end, I know jaundice is super common and 99.99% (*not at actual statistic*) of the time doesn't cause serious complications, but when it was you, baby, our logical side disappeared. I think about the hundreds of parents with children that I have admitted to the hospital or taken care of in a clinic with very serious life-long illnesses and can't imagine what those poor parents feel. I will spend the rest of my life making sure that I do everything I can to make you as happy and healthy forever.
I love you for always,
Mommy
Comments
Post a Comment